My maternal grandmother, Marion Lee, passed away June 10, 2009 — she was 101! She’d never needed a wheelchair, a walker, or a cane!
At 90 she gave us passes to the San Diego Zoo. Not only did she go with us, but she was also the biggest kid in the group! Everyone who knew Grandma was absolutely amazed. She had a childlike curiosity — yet retired from Mobil Oil as the executive Payroll and Accounting Clerk! Everyone had only the greatest respect and admiration for Marion Lee. She was fun, inspiring, active, intelligent, curious, and so wise. She obviously did a lot of things right to have reached 101 and to have been so active up into her late 90s.
Solomon wrote: “Grey hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life” (Proverbs 16:31). Someone else has said, “A single conversation across the table with a wise man [or woman!] is worth a month’s study of books.”
Driving back from the Zoo that day in 1998, I seized the opportunity to ask this question: “Grandma, what is the secret to true happiness and fulfillment?” She paused briefly, then proceeded to give me what became the message for this new devotional series — what I now call Seven Keys To A Fulfilling Life. There was nothing new in what she said; her list wasn’t exhaustive. Her answers were unscripted, practical, soundly Biblical, and very compelling because of the life she had lived (and continued to live until called Home!).
Grandma’s “keys” were
- Build on the Right Foundation
- Think Positive
- Don’t Expect Things to Always Go Your Way
- Choose Your Friends Carefully
- Keep Busy
- Practice Restraint
- Choose the Right Partner
The first “key” is the necessity to “Build on the Right Foundation.” Specifically, Grandma said, “We need the right foundation: a life built on God and Jesus.”
She was of course referring to living a Bible-based, Christ-centered life. When we celebrated Grandma’s 90th birthday (January 1998), my brother Dave and I were asked to give a history and a tribute to her. Since I enjoy history, I was eager to research her life! One of the things I learned was that she grew up on a somewhat remote, small farm in Iowa, near what is still the little town of Iowa Falls.
As a young girl she and her sisters were raised to believe in God; to pattern their lives according to the Bible. Whenever they could get to town, they’d attend Sunday School; her older sister, Patsy, taught her about Jesus. She took that early teaching and based her life on it. She never left her God-fearing roots, and later in life heard the call of Jesus and became a committed Christian.
A favorite passage of Scripture for Grandma was Matthew 7:24-27, from what we now call Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount (Matthew, chapters 5-7). In this passage, Jesus applied the importance of the message He’d given the people that day — a message Grandma had taken to heart from childhood.
Jesus said, “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” (New Living Translation).
I think Solomon best summarizes my grandmother’s life: “The fear [revering] of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10
Right on the heels of explaining the necessity of building our lives on the solid foundation of the Bible and its central figure — the Lord Jesus, Grandma said,
“Think positive; don’t always be thinking about all that can go wrong — ‘What if I lose my job? What if I don’t have enough money?’ — that’s ridiculous!”
She said, “We need to have the attitude that things will eventually work out.”
This came from someone with credibility: Imagine you are 90 years old and you’ve enjoyed perfect health. You are an avid reader, you pretty much drive yourself everywhere you need to go, and you manage, largely by yourself, a ten-acre orange grove! Then, practically overnight, all these things are
taken from you. Try to picture how you would feel and what you’d be thinking. That happened to my grandmother!
- Within one year’s time, her eyesight deteriorated so badly she had to purchase a special machine that would light up and magnify what she wanted to read/ write.
- Her car keys were taken from her — forever (after 75 years of driving!).
- Grove care experts came in to maintain her orange grove.
In spite of these difficult reversals, Grandma stayed “up and positive,” reading with her machine, getting rides wherever she needed to go; she continued square dancing (!!) and stayed busy with her garden club and church activities. At about 95, the family decided to put her in an assisted living facility — where she remained up and positive — even with her dementia that set in the last few years!
Marion Lee had truly taken Paul’s words in I Thessalonians 5:18 to heart: “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this [being thankful] is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”
You see, God’s desire for us is to simply remain steadfast in our trust that He is overseeing every detail of our life, the tough and the terrific times as well. Father truly knows what’s best!
Closely related to Grandma’s second “key” to living a fulfilling life (to “think positive”) was her third point: “Don’t expect things to always go perfectly your way.”
That is such good advice! Things rarely go exactly as planned — and in many cases, I’m sure that’s for our own good! Fact is, we don’t know if our plans are right or not if they are truly in our best interests — or the interests of others.
I recall an application of this principle from an experience I put our family through many years ago. In July of 1998, we were heading south on I-5, coming down to Southern California on vacation (we were living in Willits, CA at the time). As we’re cruising down the freeway, I’m listening to oldies (on our cassette player!), daydreaming about how fun it was going to be seeing family. Well, the next thing I knew we were on the 205 approaching Tracy, 15 miles out of our way! I had missed a turnoff and now had to double back to I-5. Once there we proceeded south.
The wasted time was bad enough — but that was only the beginning of our woes! The major problem with the diversion was that it threw off my calculations for when we’d need fuel: We ran out of gas two miles before reaching the closest gas station!
Now, have you ever tried to hitch a ride on I-5 in July? It’s so much fun watching all those happy vacationers pass you by like you’re wearing an orange jumpsuit that says “Pelican Bay State Prison” on it.
Well, I finally got a ride from a truck driver who had no passenger seat in his cab! He dropped me off at the station where, after leaving a required $25 deposit for the gas can, I began heading north, on foot, once again trying to catch a ride. As I’m walking along, unbeknownst to me, gas is sloshing all over my pants.
Finally, after walking a mile or so I got a ride in the back of a pickup truck (with four guys crammed in the cab and one in the back). Once again, unbeknownst to me, the wind was blowing across the truck’s bed in such a way that it was sucking gasoline out of the can and soaking my pants (by this time I was hoping someone would just light a match and…).
At last, we came to the spot directly across I-5 from where Laurie and the kids were waiting! I tapped on the window, indicating they could stop and drop me off. Well, they didn’t stop. One mile, two miles — and we’re still heading north. By this time I’m thinking these guys are devil worshippers and I’m going to be their ritual sacrifice in Bakersfield!
At long last, they stopped and let me out. Then I had the joyful experience of jaywalking across I-5 and hitchhiking, once again, to where the van was. I was eventually picked up by two Mexican farmworkers (they spoke no English) who dropped me off at the van.
Folks, I would not plan a “historic” event like that! Things were definitely not going perfectly my way; it was not what I wanted — but God, for His own purposes, allowed it — and we survived! The application is what Grandma said: “Don’t expect things to always go perfectly your way.” Who knows what might have happened had we not got detoured!
The Apostle Paul concurs with Grandma Lee’s advice when he writes: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 (NLT)
Likewise, God, Himself says in Isaiah 55:8-9, “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
Next Marion Lee said to “Choose Your Friends Carefully” and “Keep Busy.” On using discretion when choosing whom we will be identified with, George Washington urged people to: “Associate with men of good quality, if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.”
How true this is! Not only will our character be associated with those we choose to hang out with — we tend to become what they are! The Bible makes this clear in I Corinthians 15:33: “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”
Expanding on her thoughts a bit, Grandma implied if bad company corrupts good character, then it stands to reason that good company will improve our character because, again, we tend to become like those we hang out with.
For example, to be motivated, positive, inspiring, successful, and loving, we should make it a point to hang out with people who are motivated, positive, inspiring, successful, loving, etc.!
Continuing her “Keys,” Grandma’s next point was: “Keep busy. Find things that interest you and enjoy them.”
This concurs with the Apostle Paul’s teaching in I Timothy 6:17: “Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment.”
In 1968 Grandma retired from Mobil Oil (she was the Executive Payroll and Accounting Clerk for the Corporation — formerly Gilmore Oil Company) and my grandfather retired from Livingston-Graham (a major rock quarry/concrete enterprise in Southern California). Before retiring they had asked themselves,
“What do we want to do in our retirement years? We don’t want to sit down and die!”
Since they both enjoyed gardening/growing things, my dad suggested they go into the citrus business (as he and my uncle Bud had done). So, in 1962, seven years before retirement, they purchased 10 acres in Valley Center, CA (north San Diego County) and set up a travel trailer on the property which they lived in on weekends while planting and establishing the grove. They commuted from Arcadia to Valley Center (95 miles), on weekends from 1962 until June of 1969 when their house was completed, and they moved in.
Along with assisting in running the grove, my grandpa kept plenty busy tinkering in his workshop with various hobbies and keeping the ranch equipment running — until his death in July of 1981. He kept busy doing the things that he genuinely enjoyed and that brought him fulfillment. Grandma did the same thing: She was an active member in various gardening clubs; loving bookkeeping, she volunteered as her church’s bookkeeper, “retiring” from that position when she turned 90! Both Grandma and Grandpa participated in various civic activities along with involvement in their church choir, and much, much more!
So, what we can learn from them is that the proper concept of retirement is not: “Then I won’t have to do anything!” The correct, healthy attitude is: “Then I will be freed up to do more of the things I truly enjoy — and to give the Lord, His people, and my community more of my time, my life, my resources.”
My wife, Laurie, and I can certainly testify to the truthfulness of what Grandma Lee said and practiced! In our “retirement” we have found a pace that works for us (we prefer a quiet, low-key lifestyle) and are involved with interests, projects, etc. that we love — and genuinely enjoy! And, like Grandma and Grandpa Lee, we actually began gearing up for this chapter in our lives several years before retiring (e.g. hobbies, dream-planning, and saving, etc.).
So, if you are not yet on this track, ask yourself the question “Why not?” Tomorrow is coming therefore now is the time to get started!
Her next word of advice was “Practice Restraint.” Over the years I observed my grandmother doing all things in moderation; there were no obvious excesses. I suppose some of the liberties she took might offend some Christians (e.g., a glass or two of wine at family holiday gatherings). But then Jesus did things that offended people — lots of people; things that had the appearance of evil but in fact were not.
For instance: Jesus liked to eat, drink, and party with “sinners” (and no, He didn’t get plastered!); He broke countless rules and traditions practiced by the highly venerated Scribes and Pharisees because, unlike so many of the spiritual leaders of His day, Jesus was not bound by legalism. Neither should we be!
In those grey areas of our faith (what some call “disputable matters” — see I Corinthians 10) we simply need to ask our self, “What might be the most pleasing thing to Jesus if He were present here with me (which of course He is!)? Will this indulgence help or hinder me? Others?”
Our answers to these questions will be colored by our perception of Jesus — so the better we know Him, the more appropriate will our decisions be!
One thing is certain: We are to practice restraint; we are to exercise self-control! As Paul put it in Titus 2:11-13: “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.”
Seneca, Roman philosopher, statesman — and contemporary of Jesus — made this correct observation: “Everything that exceeds the bounds of moderation has an unstable foundation.”
Now, one last “pearl of wisdom” from Grandma — a critically important one indeed: “Choose the Right Partner.”
Fascinating, isn’t it, the order in which she presented the wisdom-gems we’ve been considering! They came forth completely unscripted. She began with “Build on the Right Foundation” (i.e., living a Bible-based, Christ-centered life). From there she suggested we learn to “Think Positive”; “Don’t Expect Things to Always Go Your Way”; “Choose Your Friends Carefully” and “Keep Busy.”
Grandma’s Lee final jewel was “Choose the Right Partner.”
Who we marry is the most important decision we will ever make – second only to receiving Jesus Christ as our Savior. Indeed, Grandma said, With the right mate, you can overcome anything!
I believe the greatest potential for a fulfilling marriage is found in the union of a man and a woman who both know and love the Lord Jesus. The ideal is two believers sharing their life together. But it really goes further than that. We need to marry the right Christian person. Just because two people are believers does not automatically guarantee they will have a happy, successful marriage.
I’m going to say something that can be misunderstood so pay close attention! I believe it’s possible to have a good, happy, fulfilling, loving marriage relationship and not even be a Christian! There are examples everywhere — Hollywood included: Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were happily married for 50 years (Paul died in 2008)! Jeff and Susan Bridges have been married since 1977.
Even in the world of rock ‘n roll we see it: Ringo Starr and Barbara Bach have been married since 1981; Ozzie and Sharon Osbourne since 1982 (in fact Ozzie says of Sharon: “She’s the joy of my life!”).
You see, two people who genuinely love, admire, and respect each other can live together quite well. Grandma and Grandpa Lee were the perfect examples of this! Gramps was a gruff, grouchy, negative, kind of guy; he was not a Christian — and wasn’t interested in becoming one either! Here’s the amazing thing: Grandma stayed with him all those years (1927-1981) because he loved her — and she knew it! That was such an amazing thing to see — appreciated by me profoundly after Laurie and I married, and I began learning about what true love really is.
Yes, it was wonderful to see Grandma make things work in her marriage. Nevertheless, the deepest levels of intimacy, fulfillment, and a meaningful, productive life come when two people know and love Jesus Christ. That’s God’s ideal.
Concerning believers and opposite sex relationships and marriage, the Apostle Paul provides this counsel in II Corinthians 6:14-15: “Do not try to work together as equals with unbelievers, for it cannot be done. How can right and wrong be partners? How can light and darkness live together? How can Christ and the Devil agree? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” (GNT)
So, our most intimate relationships should be with fellow believers. My advice to young people is this:
- When/if the time comes, marry someone of like faith and interests.
- Don’t be hasty.
- Don’t be in a hurry.
- Remember that God gives His best to those who leave the choice up to Him.
- Success in marriage consists not only in finding the right mate but also in being the right mate.
You can begin now by turning your life completely over to Jesus, then taking seriously your commitment to Him. Begin praying about who you will marry; find out all you can about Biblical marriage.
Perhaps you are in a struggling marital relationship currently. Bear in mind that marriage is the most difficult of all human relationships! A good (and inexpensive!) place to start figuring things out is to read a few good books. “His Needs, Her Needs” by clinical psychologist Willard F. Harley is excellent reading; Gary Smalley’s classic books “For Better or For Best” and “If Only he Knew” can be of great help as well.